It’s funny how life has a way of humbling you. Just when you think you have it all figured out—boom—life happens! You know that feeling when you’re having a great day, and then you get the dreaded phone call? Or someone you love has a bad day? Or, in my case—gasp—you have to ask for help? Yikes!
To some people, asking for help is no big deal. But to others, you might as well just chop off one of our fingers! It's hard—especially if you’ve been disappointed in the past, burned out, or made to feel guilty for asking in the first place. On the flip side, if we don't ask for help, we can become hyper-independent or act like superheroes—when honestly, most of us don't want to be that!
Most of us just want to be heard, thought about, checked on, and supported—something we all deserve, by the way.
Now, back to me.
As some of you may or may not know, I facilitate a monthly self-care session that's open to the public and totally free. The problem wasn't giving my time (I love that part!)—the problem was that the platform I used to host it charged me a lot of money.
After two years of footing the bill myself, I had a decision to make, y'all: It was time to "choose my hard."
Choosing my hard meant deciding whether I wanted to live in fear—or conquer my fear to make a positive change in my life.
This time, I chose to be a conqueror.
I asked for help!
The good news? It didn’t break me—and all my fingers are still intact!
Was I afraid? Absolutely.
But when I sat with the fear, I realized the real issue was embarrassment.
I had never been allowed to ask for help. I'd always been the "strong one"—the go-to, the champion of others—the person nobody thought needed help.
I’m sharing this because it’s a reminder:
No matter where you are, who you are, what title you have, or who you know—you can still ask for support.
And believe it or not, there are actually people out there who want to help you!
If you're ready to ask for help, here are my top 3 tips to get started:
1. Identify where the need exists.
Look at your life and notice what leaves you feeling exhausted, drained, or secretly resentful. That’s your clue! Those are the areas where you need support. If you’re not sure, start by journaling for a few days about the moments you feel overwhelmed—you'll start to see a pattern.
2. Determine who in your circle can help.
Think about your trusted friends, family, or coworkers. Is there someone who has offered help before, even casually? Don't rule out hiring help, either! Sometimes support looks like a virtual assistant, a housekeeper, or a meal delivery service. Help is help.
3. Craft your ask—and practice it.
Asking gets easier when you rehearse a little. I always say, practice equals preparation!
Write out or say your ask out loud until it feels natural. Keep it simple and specific. (Example: “Hey, could you pick up the kids from school on Thursday?” instead of “I need help with everything!”)
Then take a deep breath—and ask!
Moral of the story?
Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It makes you wise.
(And it keeps all your fingers intact. Win-win!)