My life has never been perfect, but now I realize that I needed to go through everything to get here. I can’t remember a time in my life, prior to the age of 30, when I was completely happy with myself. I grew up in the inner city where opportunities don’t show up in abundance and saw a lot forcing me grow up way before I was actually grown!
I grew up hearing, “what happens in this house, stays in this house”, “speak only when spoken to” and “stay in a child’s place”. I didn’t understand it then, but it had a huge impact on life. As a child, I was being taught to hold in secrets, not to speak up when I felt led to and to stay in my place! I was always an obedient child, so I did as I was told, but that had a huge impact on my adult life.
As you can probably imagine, these belief systems fully blossomed and became a major part of my lifestyle. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been used and abused but didn’t say a word! Not because I didn’t have anything to say; it was because I got used to things going away and normalizing if I stayed quiet. Not using my voice caused me to struggle with relationships most of my life. Mainly because I never knew how to be myself and when I tried to let a little bit out, I was judged. It wasn’t until my late 20s, that I realized that I wasn’t living MY life. I was conforming to my job, romantic partner, family, friends, etc., but what about me?
That was a good question… what about me? I didn’t even know what I liked! I spent so much of my life working to make others happy, that I didn’t know what I liked or wanted and it was overwhelming! I didn’t have anyone to look up to or seek advice from, but I knew that I had to figure it out and with time I did.
During the process of finding me, it was a lot of work, but worth it! I read a lot, listened to empowerment videos, said affirmations and sought out therapy. I started doing the things that I truly liked and saw my smile and my glow appear. I was truly happy for the first time and I loved it! Now, when anyone comes into my life and attempts to disrupt my peace, I set clear boundaries and know when to walk away. I used to hear people say, "once you experience peace, you’ll never let anyone or anything disrupt it" and I understand that now.
I never even knew that this kind of life could happen for me, but here I am! I am ready to show other women how to find themselves and stop living up to everyone else's expectations.